the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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