Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
