just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
