I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize