that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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