I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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