Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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