I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize