hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
