the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
