It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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