my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
