Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
