Soap is not a condiment
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
