He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you still have your period?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How does it feel to date your dad?
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