so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
