The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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