I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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