My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
