I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
