I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
