Yo dont text me then not text me
My liver just broke up with me...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
