the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
