I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
