I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
