i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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