Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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