his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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