I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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