thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
