she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I deserve this hangover.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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