marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
