oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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