Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
