You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
