I accidentally had phone sex last night
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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