party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he was CRYING into my vagina
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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