dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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