How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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