we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
