im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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