I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
