mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
