Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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