So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
