jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
