He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
