It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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