If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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