My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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