i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
