We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
