I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
