i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The ass gains better be worth it
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