I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
