Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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