Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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