Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize