My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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