hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
