If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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