She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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