May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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