Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
