he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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