I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
