I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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