OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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